The saddest thing I own is a belt buckle. It’s from the belt that my mother whipped me with when I was little. In our house it was called The Belt, as in “Do you want The Belt?” My sister and I were terrified of it. I found it in a drawer in her room two years ago while I was looking for a pen. I don’t know why she kept it; she must have had it for thirty years at least. I hope she kept it because she is sorry for hitting us. I don’t know why I keep it. I hope I keep it to remind me not hit my future kids. I hope I can forgive her someday because I really want to let go of the sadness this buckle gives me.
Other People's Thoughts
I am sorry that mom choose to use physical discipline.. Maybe you’re right that mother kept it because she is sorry that she hurt you. Maybe it is her way to say that she is sorry.. Yes, find other ways to discipline your children.. Good luck
— M Monday May 8, 2006 #
I am sorry your childhood was filled with fear and sadness. Its amazing how much we can learn from the mistakes of our parents.
I hope you will be able to turn that buckle into something positive and not a source of sadness.
— Elna Monday May 8, 2006 #
As a 6 or 7 year old, more than 50 years ago, I recall being beaten by my mom with a hair-brush so badly that my legs and butt were severely bruised. I was black and blue for a week. What I’m getting at here is this. Would I like to have that brush back now?
Not a chance. It was thrown out long ago. Perhaps it’s something you could consider. Maybe there’s something else she left you, which would bring better thoughts to mind.
— dee Tuesday May 9, 2006 #
I know your pain personally. I finally forgave my mother this spring. She doesn’t know it yet. But, I feel lighter. It’s taken me decades- and continents separating me from her – to do. I have no relationship at all with her, but one day, I might write her and tell her that I’ve forgiven her. This is my truth: If you really want to let the sadness go, eventually you will. There is a lot of love and care out there coming your way! :-)
— Malene Tuesday May 9, 2006 #
I too was whipped with a belt. I know how you feel.I think in a ceremonial way you could throw away the buckle and throw away the pain.
— Donna Thursday May 11, 2006 #
I think it’s good that you have that. It’s not going to hurt you again. You’re in control of it now, and not the damaged woman who used to own it.
I had a belt in my house as a child too, and I was also terrified of it. Man, people can really misuse that word… “terrified”. But in your case, as well as mine, it’s assumed it’s full meaning.
If you can raise your kids without, you’ll be really proud of yourself, and for good reason. Rise above. If I could, so can you.
my best to you.
— John Wednesday May 17, 2006 #
Thank you, John. My sister doesn’t hit her kids, and it really gives me strength to know you don’t either. We’re trying to have kids now and knowing other people can become better people than their parents were gives me the hope that I won’t be like my parents either. It’s a real fear I have, that some how I am just like them. Just posting about the buckle made me feel much better about it. And reading the comments brings the past back into the present where I can deal with it, where I have control.
— Isabel Monday May 22, 2006 #
If you’re in advice-taking mode, then I’d suggest you see a therapist about all that crap, if you haven’t before. They go to school for years to help people deal with the sh*t they’ve been dealt. There’s nothing shameful about asking for help, whatsoever.
If you don’t believe that, ask yourself why there’s entire university campuses and degree programs dedicated to psychology. It’s not just so the army can pick young minds apart and put them back together with the killing part inserted. It’s because there’s a world of pain out there, and those that take advantage of our help system can learn to live without it.
Good luck on getting pregnant!! : )
John (the ‘spoon’ one; see? anyone can rise above)
— John Saturday June 3, 2006 #
I remember the belt and the switch. I remember my mother was telling a story to one of her beauty shop clients of how she almost put out her own eye whipping me with the belt. Trust me their face fell just as mine, mine because of her stupidity. The last time my father struck me was with his hand, I had my 2 year old daughter in my lap and he gave me a black eye…I was 28 years old. I went immediately to the police and filed a complaint. They have never touched me since.
Their excuse today is it never happened or I was a kid that people loved to beat on. (meaning I was bad)
I feel your pain, and humiliation
— Tami Wednesday June 28, 2006 #
I’m so happy that you people were whipped. Thank God for The Belt.
— Jennifer Saturday August 5, 2006 #
At least you didn’t get “The Rod” Dont make me explain what my mother did with “The ROD”
— Kostas Monday November 20, 2006 #
I’m a 53 years old male, and today as I was driving to my mom’s on Christmas Eve I started to vividly remember the excruciating pain me and my brother endured as my dad used to strike us with his belt for punishment. He had no idea of the deep pain he inflicted. He was five times our size when we were children and there was no reason for him to have inflicted such a torturous suffering upon me.
Every time I think about those horrible episodes I just cry uncontrolibly to this very date.
I’m sure I did misbehave but whipping left deep emotional scars that have yet to heal. I never misbehaved to deserve that type of pain.
I barely remember a spanking, but the whippings were pure torture to a little defenseless child!
My dad passed away 25 years ago, and while I miss him, and love him, those vicious belts strikes are recollections I will never forget.
I beg all parents to find another mode of effective discipline. Please don’t whip your children!!
— Joseph Sunday December 24, 2006 #
Does anyone ever think about the fact that if they didn’t get in trouble, they wouldn’t have gotten “the belt”? Yeah, it sucks. I got it too. But at age 12, a couple smacks on the butt were ten times better than hearing an hour long speech and far more effective at convincing me not to do whatever it was again. A lot of people say that its beating your kids, but the fact that you kept the buckle just shows that there was more than just a punishment. It seems like there was a little psychological damage accompanying your beating. Maybe your parents just needed to learn effective use of “the belt”
— Andrew Tuesday April 17, 2007 #
I also can share your pain. I am 43, and I remember fooling around with my sister in church when I was 14, and she was 11. My father had this look on the way home. We didn’t get two steps in the house, when I heard the belt come off his pants. I remember having a black dress on with pantyhose and heels, when the belt ripped across the back of my legs. One right after another. My sister had to watch because she was next. Both of us had welts and bruises all over the backs of our legs. Our pantyhose were ripped where the belt snapped. He used the belt like a whip on many occasions, sometimes leaving marks for weeks. I hope and pray that this never happens to any child today. My sister and I turned out OK considering the abuse we took.
— Nancy Wednesday May 23, 2007 #
The biggest problem I’m hearing here is how parents punished their children, out of anger.
“Getting the belt” probably wouldn’t have been as bad, if parents had only cooled down before they used it. Example,“I’m pretty angry right now, so go up to your room and I’ll be up in ten minutes.” Then when the parent came into the room, they needed to explain what the bad behavior was, and make sure you understood why you were going to be punished for it. Then three had smack with the belt would have been enough. Simple, but obviously “not really.”
— Dani Wednesday July 11, 2007 #
i was spanked on my bare-bottom with a belt my dad did the whippen my dad would whip me with the belt unti my bottom was red and welts i am 45 now i dont have good relatenship with dad i grow-up in fear i was whipped from the age 3-16 my dad would whip me everyday
— beth Wednesday July 18, 2007 #
I was stripped naked and whipped with the buckle end of the belt at a very young age. It left horrible bruises and welts, and those whippings hurt for days. Parents should never punish a child in anger, and should never cause injury.
— Pamela Tuesday August 21, 2007 #
First off… I was a wild child… still am. I was disciplined physically as a child, but if I let everything my parents hit me with remind me of the bad times… I wouldnt be able to look at belts, hangers, extention cords, spatulas, shoes, etc… pretty much I was smacked around by whatever they had closest to them, I remember once a t.v. remote exploding off the back of my head, then getting smacked around for breaking the t.v. remote… but to me it was funny. It got to the point to where I would just lay there and let them belt me till my back was welted and calmly ask them “are you done now?” after a few minuets of not getting even a yelp out of me. The last time my father hit me (or anyone for that matter)was the last time the walls of my house had seen violence. And we both have scars to remind us not to go there, because I will ride it to the end… I’m just sad that it took me this long to react the way I did. Maybe it could have changed things; but regardless… my family loves eachother, no matter how much pain and blood we’ve seen. We know its the same blood that courses through our veins and those of the generations to come. And be it as it may, I choose not to have children, nor would my brother ever treat his children that way, nor would him or I EVER treat a woman that way. Break the chain.
— GG- Saturday October 6, 2007 #
I got my first spanking with a belt for telling my uncle “no.”
My uncle didn’t hit me, my dad did. I was 6. It fucked me up. My mom beat me with whatever, usually a spurt of adrenaline in a few minutes the hitting or “spanking” was over, but the punishment never ended mom and dad both would bitch for days —and these were highly educated people. I hated my parents, UNTIL I turned it around. When I was 19 I started dating a 34 year old man who I let give me crazy sexy spankings and then we make love. Crazy love.
The only thanking I am giving for my spanking past is the mega orgasm and kink filled lifestyle! Go adulthood and erotica!
— mild spanks? Sunday October 14, 2007 #
My suggestion is to throw it out and try and forgive your mother if you can. We all make mistakes and cause each other more pain than we mean to.
Your mother was probably punished with a belt herself. My mother was also raised with the belt and vowed she would never use it on her kids. Well when I was a teen she changed her mind a few times. Thankfully she only gave me 3 strikes with it when she did discipline me, but boy did that hurt! I can’t imagine being hit repeatedly with a belt. On other occasions she would take her hairbrush to me. She would ask me to bare my bottom as she took me over her lap and would spank me until she counted to 20. I remember holding my tears back until she counted to 14 and then I would reach back to rub my sore butt while hoping to protect it for any more pain. Unfortunately she would remove my hands and apply the remaining 6 before she let me up. But I have no bad memories of being disciplined like this. Her anger and her mean words are what really hurt me. And now I understand her actions because I understand what she went through as a child and I do totally forgive her.
— Janis Thursday October 18, 2007 #
I guess it all depends on if you believe the Bible. The good book says to whip your children. “Spare the rod, and spoil the child.” However, I do believe that there is a way to spank a child. I believe that if you’re upset, then you need time to cool off. I also pray with my children before I spank them. This gives me a chance to cool down, and most of the time I feel that I have gotten my point across to them without even raising my hand. Often times after praying, I won’t even spank them. That teaches the kids mercy. Because lets’ face it, young or old, we all mess up. And sometimes my heavenly Father punishes me, and other times he extends his hand of mercy. But whatever method of punishment you decide to use, stick with it. Let no mean no. Don’t give in. And never argue with your spouse over the punishment method in front of the kids.
— John Tuesday October 23, 2007 #
Prov 13:24: “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes (diligently).”
Prov 19:18: “Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.”
Prov 22:15: “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.”
Prov 23:13: “Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.”
Prov 23:14: “Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell (Shoel).”
Prov 29:15: “The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.”
This was written by the wisest man who would ever live on this earth. I guess it all depends on if you believe the Word of God.
— John Tuesday October 23, 2007 #
Throw away the buckle.
I was whipped severely with a variety of leather belts from age 5 until my late teens. The pain lasted days – often through my next whipping. My Dad gave it to me on my bare legs and butt he claimed so he could see what he was doing. I just remember crying and shaking so violently from the intense pain.
My Dad was deeply religious and the Catholic school I went to did not seem to notice – even in the gym showers that I had welts and cuts on my butt and legs. It was acceptable at that time. It I was paddled at school I was whipped at home.
It was a terrible time. The fear of the belt was a horrible thing. The pain so intense I remember the burning sting to this day and the tears and the clinching of my hands and feet wringing in pain. My Dad did not understand. His Dad whipped him with an extension cord and riding crop and he thought the belt and wood spoon was going light.
— Tom Monday November 12, 2007 #
I was whipped with belts, straps, extension cords, you name it. The worst was when my stepmom whipped my bare penis with an extension cord. It caused bleeding and left welts. This wasn’t punishment, it was torture.
— Carl Friday December 7, 2007 #
I was whipped with a belt only once, but it left deep scars on my mind. I misbehaved in church, and I was taken to my room when we got home. My parents entered, and my mother had a belt in her hand, and my dad stood next to her. I was forced up against the bed. I had never seen it done before, but I knew what she was about to do. I begged her not to, but she proceeded to whip me, and I immediately started crying. I only got about 6 whacks, but to this day I get jittery thinking about it. I also saw my brother get hit with a belt a few times, and when I see my dad with his belt I tense up, even though I haven’t been hit since I was about 9. I remember not only the pain, but the feeling of helplessness and humiliation. I rarely have dreams about it, but I do have them nevertheless, and in all of them it’s someone else getting hit, and I start crying because I’m scared for them.
— Tosh Saturday December 8, 2007 #
What i belive is some kids need to be hit. When i was little my mom hit me with what was around and im not terrified of belts or brooms or anything and i know i deserved it from time to time. Now she didn’t go crazy on it though depending on what i did i got an equal punishment and her doing that made me learn right from wrong so i didn’t grow up as some snotty little brat who does whatever they want. So my advice throw the belt away get over it and stop thinking about it. To tell the truth it wasn’t really that traumatizing. i usually got over it the next day and went on with life like some us should.
— Dennin Sunday December 9, 2007 #
i was whipped growing up, my mom, uncles, aunts, cousins. every elder i came in contact with had the right to set me straight, most chose to do it with belts or extension cords. i haven’t forgiven any of them neither do i want to. the only struggle i have is that i don’t ever want to do that to my kids. there is punishment, then there is torture.
— unesengalaiseanewyork.blogspot.com Thursday January 10, 2008 #
Is the metal of the buckle durable enough for you to have it melted down and turned into something else? One of the previous posters commented that you now have control over the belt. Turn the buckle into something beautiful—a bracelet or a silver bird and remind yourself that you took your suffering and made something beautiful out of it.
— Jeri Sunday January 27, 2008 #
I am 51 years old and have a very close and loving family. My parents, brothers, sister and I have had great relationships during our adult lives. I knew I was “spanked” when I was a child but just put it out of my mind… forgive and forget. Well, I guess we never forget… I woke in the middle of the night last week shaking and sweating from a dream I had that I was running from someone who had a belt… I was caught and beaten on the behind with it…then ran away again as I heard my son crying and screaming behind me and turned to see my father hitting him with a belt. This has to be the worse nightmare I have ever had and it has stayed with me all week. I cry as I write this because I love my parents. I only remember the belt beating happening twice… but I also remember times when my sister and I put padding in our pants before Dad got home. I wonder now how many times it happened that I can’t actually remember. Well I had to get this off my chest… I might need therapy since this dream.
— Linda Saturday February 16, 2008 #
Interesting blog, i was too punished by my mom and dad with a belt, wooden spoon, kicked, slapped, etc
I had problems in schools, I dropped out of high school in Latin America where I am from but they helped me go to college and even sent me to the USA. It was weird, they hit me but at the same time care for me economically like no other parent (make sure i had money to pay rent, school tuition, etc when i came to the USA)
but i don’t forget, now they are super nice but i don’t forget….i treat my mom like shit and hate her and i barely call my dad…they think i am just “cold” but not, i am not…i just remember…
— Giovanna Tuesday August 25, 2009 #
The belt kept me in line.
It was used on several occassions but there was always a warning before the execution of the punishment. If I didn’t heed the warning, it was panties down, lie across the bed to get 5-8 cracks of the belt. My dad and mom did not hold back. If I earned a whipping, those cracks were severe and painful. The worse part was they would pause about 15-20 seconds between each one. You didn’t know if you were getting five, six, seven, or eight cracks. You could cry and howl (believe me I did!) but you weren’t allowed to ask how many more or they’d add another two painful cracks for every question. Whew…...I learned pretty quickly to heed warnings and to mind and I am so grateful I was raised that way. We have 5 children and all of them are being raised with the belt—we don’t care how old fashioned it is!
They range in age from 10-17. Our oldest two no longer need the belt and I must state that it had to be adminstered on few occassions. We have great kids who are respectful, do well in school, are active in church, and mind their elders. It may not seem fair, but the younger ones hearing the older ones not minding,and therefore, getting the belt whippings actually helped them behave in ways to avoid such a punishment. My older ones now talk with us about their punishments when they were younger and they, too, say they are grateful we loved and cared for them enough that we gave them whippings when needed. They see and hear friends being cruel and disrespectful to parents and elders and it really bothers them. We hope all of our children continue the belt tradition. If adminstered properly, it’s good old-fashioned discipline that works.
— sheila Friday October 16, 2009 #
My mother whipped me with her riding crop on my legs and left welts. The only thing that her beating me accomplished, was that it made me hate her for years. I know that I should forgive her, but darn it, that is very hard. I love her, but when I think of how she abused me I still get sad. I never tell anyone about it because I am embarrassed that it happened. I have never hit my kids. There are many other ways to discipline a child without ever hitting them. Our kids are talented athletes, straight A students, respectful of adults and kind to their friends. I am very proud that I have broken the chain of abuse.
— Sharon Wednesday January 6, 2010 #
I used to get a flat out bare butt spanking. 30 minutes between the ages of 5-8 and 30 minutes and 15 minutes of the paddle when i was 9-15. ouch!
— gg Tuesday January 26, 2010 #
My brother and I grew up getting whipped on our rare behinds with a belt with more than 10 hits. My dad used to give us almost or a little over 20 hits with the belt. My brother and I grew up terrified of my father. My mom was not like that and hated so much that my dad would whip us like that. I used to be upset with her because I wonder why she allowed my father to discipline us to that extreme. Imagine getting hit with a leather belt more than 10 times on your rare behind?! My brother and I used to have some horrible looking bruises on our butts. Even though I’m an adult now, sometimes things like that are so traumatic and it sticks with you even as you become an adult. I don’t think no child deserves to be beat like that.
— VW Friday January 29, 2010 #
i was hit with whatever was near the parents, my dad very very rarely hit me, like about 3 times when i was 10-14. when me or my siblings did anything wrong (answering her back…) she claimed she would teach us a lesson but the beatings did not help at all, we still made the same mistakes, we still messed around—-the beatings were BAD, if theres one thing teh beatings have taught me is that NEVER hit your kids-whatever they do, sit down, talk with them-make them feel bad a bit with that they have done but dont ever hit them because then they will learn to do that too and they will most likely do that to their kids too—-no kid deserves to be hit, they are defenceless-do not exercise your power over them because it makes you feel good and then trying to pull the wool over others eyes….they get good results now…no it dont work that way…they get the good results becuase of fear—the children also then love you because of that fear—you cannot have a good relationship with your children if they are scared of you-they will never open up to you then.
— James Adams Sunday April 4, 2010 #
What a Blog. My 80 year old father and mother had children because they were so enamored by themsekves. Everyday of mylife I was beat , contusion, and hematomas. I was beat with a fly swatter, belt, steel bed post. Alcohol saved me from the pain. They still try to abuse me in any way they can, but I don’t communicate with them, for I have a loving wife who taught me to stop destroying me and loving what I have. We are all survivors. There are so many horror stories. I was a very smart , creative child and he hated me for that. He makes Hitlerlook like an Angel. He is a very bad man, and I realized that he has to live with all that he has done, not me, or anyone here.IThere is a famous quote that goes,”I would rather have a man tell me he hates me, htan nothing at all” Indifference money and self hatred is their problem now, not mine. I have lived three lifetimes, and I have finally found peace, and it has to be without them or my two brothers.
— Kirk Saturday May 29, 2010 #
Same here my dad got us in line with that faithful wooden spoon that was used to make pasta every Sunday.He also would use the belt when the cause was severe. I am still afraid of him. He served in the USMC and so did his dad.He said he got beaten with leather work boots when he was younger. Now I a 24 and I forgive him.
— Bella Thursday June 24, 2010 #
Jesus wept John 11:35 not only for Lazarus but for all mankind. In the whole of the Bible no where can it be found that adults should whip, beat,spank etc. a child. This form of discipline lacks compassion, mercy and love; all three elements Jesus was rich in. Parent and adults everywhere ask yourself this question, if Jesus touched down on earth again, what would He think of all the child abuse running rampart in the world. But more than that, what would be His answer to a child’s discipline problems. Kids will do the wrong thing and they will do the right thing. Try first to reward them for the good deeds. I am believer in rewards vs punishment that good behavior begets good behavior when it is acknowledged and praised. Consider this: I keep hearing that children do not abide by the rules…where do you think they learn this unsavory behavior from. They are watching their parents and other adults and take their cues from them. It is called modeling. I have come across parents that(I am not a violent person) who I wanted to cane or see caned)not the children. Jesus said Suffer the little children to come unto me and forbid them not…teach them a parable instead when you first think to spank. Direct the focus to Jesus not to your uncontrolled anger. Jesus is the benevolent Messiah. if He could forgive His mockers, slanderers and anihilators, how can we do any less when it comes to our children…a little mercy can go a long way and its lesson (s) to your children will make them wiser and better for it. Peace be with you and God bless the parents; I know it is not easy for you. A little creativity and imagination is also useful.
— Rebecca Wednesday August 18, 2010 #
I’m the original poster. I’ve read all the comments.
I’m so sorry so many of us had to experience The Belt. I still have that buckle.
I now have a 3 year old and a 1 year old. They are amazing kids. I never hit them. I will never hit them.
I did get therapy. I have read several parenting books. I have read the Bible straight through.
Thank you for commenting, everyone. Except Jennifer: get some help, Jennifer!
— Isabel Saturday August 21, 2010 #
I was never hit as a child but my friend had an abusive (crazy?) father who did beat him. “DADDY” especially loved to smack him with a heavy paddle. At the near completion of high school, I was a big, strong kid, football offensive lineman and loved rough sports but HATED cruelty and bullies. To cut to the chase, one day my much smaller friend was in an altercation with daddy. And this time, it was just one time too many. The abuse would stop. Though it wasn’t my fight, my friend DIDN’T deserve this torture. Guess I snapped a bit here and much to his dad’s surprise and rage I belted this POS. He got off the floor and came at me. LOL DID I REALLY enjoy now slapping him, calling him a deranged monster and warning him to NEVER torture my friend again. I called him a string of epithets and threw him to the floor again. Surprisingly I wasn’t arrested. But my friend did enjoy a respite and then went off to the state university. To this day, after much counseling, my friend appreciates that his hatred towards his monstous father is “OK”. We are still friends and he is doing well both physically and psychologically.
— C MATT COLLINS Monday October 4, 2010 #
i remember i got whipped alot. but one whipping sticksout vividly. when i was 6 i was outside digging in the dirt and my mother screamed at me to come inside, when i got there she made me pull my pants down to my ankles exposing my nakedness to my father and sister as they watched. and it was a 20 minute beating and it hurt dont get me wrong, but the humility of them watching was worse than the beating. even in my mothers death i never fully forgave her but i hope i can one day? she should have gone to jail for that, and by the way my sister used to get it just as bad too.
— ron Sunday October 17, 2010 #
The Saddest Thing I Own is a 2005 commission of New Radio and Performing Arts, Inc., (aka Ether-Ore) for its Turbulence web site. It is supported by the Jerome Foundation in celebration of the Jerome Hill Centennial and in recognition of the valuable contributions of artists to society.