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The Saddest Thing I Own

The Saddest Thing I Own

A collection of life's saddest objects, their sad stories, and our reasons for holding onto these sad things.

Cat Ashes

Posted On Sunday April 30, 2006 By Josh

Sad Image

I picked up the ashes at the Cat Practice, where three vets in white coats lined up at the reception desk, ready to console me in my grief, defend their diagnosis of metastasized cancer, and maybe defend their bill of a couple of thousand dollars. I got a shrink-wrapped white box labeled “M_____, beloved pet of K_____.” But I wasn’t K_____. K_____, the human companion of M_____, was too sad to retrieve M_____’s remains, so she’d sent me. The vets were relieved that M_____ wasn’t my cat. I told K_____ I’d help bury M_____ in the park, but she doesn’t want to face it and the box looked like it’d need some serious digging. So M_____ has sat on one of my bookshelves for years. Once K_____ came over and found the box next to some toys she’d given me. I finally opened the box to see what the ashes, the cat formerly known as M_____, looked like. A layer of purple tissue paper, a flowery metal can that must’ve come from a Lillian Vernon catalog, more tissue paper, and then finally, wrapped in a PRIVATE / CREMATION tag, a tiny little bag of gray.

I’ll bury her this summer.

Tags: ashes, bury, cat, cremation, death, friend

Other People's Thoughts

My Miss Pumkin sat in our bedroom for 2 years, before we buried her ashes with my parents. When she was put to sleep-I was so lost in grief, when they asked about cremation—I could not think. My husband made the decision. Then I felt stuck with the ashes-what to do with them. My siblings don’t know where I put them.

— Noran    Monday May 1, 2006    #

My cat, who protected me when I was ill, who slept on my feet at night, who didn’t know how to purr because his mother abandoned him…He is sitting on a shelf in my bedroom. He has moved to Florida with me, and will move to my new house. I guess I don’t deal with grief very well. You are a great person for dealing with someone else’s grief.

— Alli    Monday May 1, 2006    #

Morris, our beloved 12 year old red tabby, sits in a can on top of one of our bookshelves. He always liked being up. My wife, who loved him even more than I did, says hello whenever she passes him. It’s been almost 4 years since we put him to rest, and we still miss him.

— Albert    Tuesday May 9, 2006    #

I’ve saved all my pets ashes, too. I’ve asked my family to put them with me when I die. They were all my little buddies.

— Debby    Sunday May 14, 2006    #

The first cat I owned when I moved out on my own was a sweet little tabby named Tribbles. She was my close cat friend for eleven years. She died in my home and I had her cremated. She had died about a month before I was due to move into another apartment. The first day I went to check out what would soon be my new home I took the canister containing Tribble’s ashes with me. I took her with me through every room telling her this was our new home. I kept her ashes with me for several years until I finally had a real house of my own and a place I finally felt comfortable laying her to rest.

— Sherry    Sunday May 14, 2006    #

I ended his suffering today and am alone with my grief. My cat developed diabetes a little over a year ago. For three weeks he has been ill and the Drs suspect cancer. I sat with him for 2 hours in the grass at the vets. I am torn between burying him in my garden or cremation. I guess the sadest thing I own is the decision.

— Mia    Thursday May 18, 2006    #

I miss her so much and have yet to pick up her ashes. She will never be with me again, never no matter what I do with her ashes. How the hell do I feel better?

— Wendy for Lucy    Sunday May 21, 2006    #

It’ll be one year tomorrow since I sat with Lightning through the 45 minute ride to the vet’s office. I went with my father because no one else in the family could bear to go. I remember trying so hard not to cry- so that her last memories wouldn’t be clouded by my intense sorrow. I even ate strawberry ice cream with her before we left the house.
I went alone with her into the room. I’m so glad I decided to go- my father was just going to drop her off. It’s not that he’s heartless- I guess he cared about her more than we ever knew. When I came out he was crying in the car.
Now she sits next to my bed with her toys and collar around her, in the white paper bag and cardboard box I picked her up from the vet’s office in. I tried to find a more appropriate resting place for her- but how can you find a piece of wood or metal, or even 1 physical space that can contain 15 years of us growing up together?

The saddest thing I own is the memory of being alone with her as she took her last breath.
— Rachel W.    Thursday June 15, 2006    #

I did a google and ran across your sight. I need to read your sentiments, thank you. I dropped off Cavlin, my pet yorkie for further test. Though deep in my heart I know it is the end. I will miss my dear friend of 13 1/2 years. I can dream maybe things will be better tomorrow. Lying to myself is so much easier to do than to accept it.

— Larry Morales    Monday June 26, 2006    #

One of our 2 cats died last week, quite suddenly, at the age of 9. We had her from the time she was 9 months old. Her ashes are in an urn atop our bedroom dresser, just a few feet away from where I found her body last week.

I am feeling a little better each day, but there is a part of me that fears I will never really be happy again. Coming on her body was awful. My wife and I had taken her to an emergency vet clinic the night before. We were told that she had colitis, were given some medicine and sent home. She seemed to worsen in the morning after an all-night thunderstorm that shook the house. She hated thunderstorms, while our other cat (her sister) has always been indifferent.

I don’t know why my cat died, and it doesn’t really matter to me. I just want her back.

— JH    Wednesday June 28, 2006    #

I had my Papa Sam put to sleep 6 hours ago. It feels like a lifetime ago. i miss you so much ….

— Kathy    Wednesday July 26, 2006    #

2 months ago I stared into the eyes of my precious 13 year old Russian Blue as he took his last breath and his eyes clouded over. I have seen the worst of the worst in my policing career, but that moment in the vets office will haunt me forever. That cat didn’t have a bad cell in his body. Many nights after coming home from hell, he would sit on my lap and comfort me. In 13 years the only sad memory is the last. He had cancer and I knew I could not handle his death and have to dig his grave. The grave was dug days before so I could lay his beautiful box into the stone lined hole, and go inside to vent. I miss him and know in my heart I will see him again….

— Tom    Sunday August 13, 2006    #

I buried my cat 2yrs ago in my back yard. I couldn’t bring my self to make a marker for him.
I loved him as if he was my son. A few months ago my brother just decided to start a garden over his grave. At first I thought well I think my cat would like a garden over him, but as time went on I thought no I have to move him to a safe place this is not what I want for him. I got on the net and found this site. I realized I HAVE TO MOVE HIM. As morbid as this sounds, I know that cremating him and burying him in a safe place is the right thing to do. Angelo I love you, you will always be my Fatboy.

— Haydee Guajardo    Wednesday August 16, 2006    #

We put our 20 yr.old cat “Kitty” down a week ago. What a tough day. My father in law buried her at his ranch along side about 7 other dogs/cats. He’s made himself a pet cemetery. Very peaceful beautifull place. We will miss her but I know one of these days I’ll see her again. What a companion.

— Mr & Mrs Wyoming    Friday October 6, 2006    #

My wife and I had to put our Himalayan, Sealy, to sleep last week. She had cancer. It was the most difficult decision I have had to make. I will always miss her little, flat face. We love, and miss you, Sealy.

— Joey Klineburger    Saturday October 7, 2006    #

Two weeks ago today, I said goodbye to my Siamese cat, Katrina, who would have been 15 if she’d lived two months longer. I knew she’d leave me some day, and I knew it would be painful, but nothing could have prepared me for the anguish and despair I feel. I preferred to enjoy and cherish her company, rather than dwell on the inevitable. She was my best friend, my confidante and my most cherished comfort of home. It’s so hard to let go of the friendship, love and loyalty that such a special cat offers without asking anything in return. She was always there for me, and although I feel that I let her down somehow, I feel thankful that I was there with her as she left this world. Home is just not the same anymore and I fear it never will be. I would be so comforted to know that I will be reunited with her some day.

— Annie    Tuesday October 10, 2006    #

I had to have my cat euthanized last week. I held her on my lap and said “I love you” over and over for the few moments it took her to die. I just received a call saying her ashes are ready to pick up and I am crying in my cube at work. This is a lovely site; thank you.

— Linda    Wednesday October 11, 2006    #

I put my beloved Misty to sleep yesterday. I spent the last 17 years with her. She was my best friend and I feel so empty and sad inside. As I drove her to the vet, she was scared and it kills me to think that her final moments on Earth were spent in fear even though I stayed with her until the end. Today I took her body back to the vet and soon the saddest thing I will own is her ashes in a maple box. I love you Misty. I don’t know how I will ever stop missing you.

— Darin    Friday October 20, 2006    #

When I was 12 years old we lived in a condo complex and one of the neighbor’s son had leukemia. One morning at around 10 AM I heard a scream that put a knife thru my heart. I never forget. It was the scream of the mother when she first realized the cancer took her son. Yesterday morning (Nov. 5, 2006), around 10:24 AM I heard that scream over and over in my head when I found the body of my wonderful little orange boy, Mr. Kitty, outside in our yard. I couldn’t believe that he was dead. I picked up his limp body. I broke in half. I don’t think I will ever be the same and that scream keep thundering in my ear. The scream that describes my hell, a life without my sweetie. He was 19.5 years old and we were so lucky to have shared about 10 of them with him. He was the lowest maintenance cat. He never took, only gave. I fear I will never again have a cat so sweet and giving. He had cancer and all the way to the end he limped slowly to the box and never let us have to clean after him. My friend came over and wrapped him in a beautiful orange (his color) towel and we put flowers around him. we lit candles around him. It looks like a shrine, where my sweet little boy is sleeping like an angel. I miss him and my heart will never be the same again. His last gift to me was to get rid of my fear of death. I was not at all afraid to sit by him last night and pet his wonderful fur. I cannot stop crying. I remember his little paws hitting the hardwood floor softly and quietly, without waking me, waiting for me to wake up and feed him. Never taking anything and giving so much. The other thing that I learned was that you cannot have love for 19.5 years and not feel loss. I just am so appreciative that this ratio of love to loss is not 1:1 or I would be grieving for the rest of my life and more. I love you Mr. Kitty. I cannot let you go. You took my heart with you.

— Guity for Mr. Kitty    Monday November 6, 2006    #

My heart is breaking..I’m so I put my 13 year old Rami Shala to sleep. She had an intestinal tumor that was very aggressive. I made the decision to keep her with me until the end which came today. She was in alot of pain last night. I had to carry her up the stairs to bed. She cried all night..I knew it was the right thing to do..but it was one of the most difficult decisions I’ve ever had to make..I miss her so in peace, my sweet girl.

— Bonnie Rae    Friday November 17, 2006    #

I Miss you my Sweet Louise, I miss my little Computer Cat.
You were here for such a short time. You were my special little Kitty.
My sweet louise…..

—    Saturday November 25, 2006    #

My first real pet was put to sleep today. He was an amazing cat and I love him so much. I cant seem to want to move any of his sparkle balls or string, they are scattered all over the place. He was diagnosed with cancer, but we did have 48 hours together before he was euthanized. I wish he knew how much I miss him. I have to find a place to bury him. His name was Shadow
Shadow Wadow
Kitty Witty

— Mrs. Wisconsin    Thursday December 14, 2006    #

Our ginger cat tom died 2 days ago,ihave buried him in our garden.He was fourteen and a halve year.I miss him and i am grieving he was a lovely cat goodby tom hope to see you again one day.

— Foppo Leeuwerke    Sunday December 31, 2006    #

My cat, who has been in my life since I was 2-years-old died yesterday at the hands of two stray dogs. The saddest thing for me is that she died in such a cruel way. She was covered in blood. I’ll never forget the empty look on her face…

— Miska    Saturday January 6, 2007    #

Oma was put to rest today. We were friends for 17 years. She outlasted all the women in my life, the only female that could put up with me, I guess. I am sad but I am loved. Oma and I shared the gift of gab. We would have discussions in “Cat” all the time. I miss her. To deal with the saddness and pain that comes with losing a loved one I wrote a song titled ‘Missng you”. Maybe I will post the first Verse a little later. Thank you all for being here. I hope a you all remember the love your pet had for you, may that ease some of the pain. thanx, K

— Ken Malecki    Thursday January 11, 2007    #

Lost a baby much too soon. Christmas morning my big lovable cat Cosmo passed away. He was only 7 years old and not near old enough to die. I just got back from picking up his ashes. It’s funny, before my dog Alex died a couple years ago, the thought of having ashes sitting on a shelf really creeped me out. Now it’s really nice to walk by and touch a box. It’s too bad we can’t keep pets young and healthy. I’ll miss you Cosmo.

— Joanna Winters    Friday January 19, 2007    #

My cat, Sammy Sampson, died this past Saturday. He had not been sick until Saturday, but that morning he was crying in a way any of you would recognize. I sat with him through the day until he suddenly got much worse. At that point we rushed to see the vet. About half way there I could tell the end was near. I held his little paw, told him I loved him and thanked him for being my friend. He died seconds later. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever experienced. I miss my buddy.

— Dan    Thursday January 25, 2007    #

Benny was my first love and best friend. He died so suddenly right before christmas. He was my soulmate and I’ll never forget him. Please come back, Benny….whatever shape or form. I love you and miss you every day!!

— Heidi    Sunday January 28, 2007    #

About two weeks ago I had to but my cat to sleep. He was beautiful, with crystal blue eyes and an all white fur. He still is. When we put him to sleep that day we found out he was sick, I didn’t even get a last day. I got half an hour to put him to sleep and to say goodbye forever. I wish I spent more time saying goodbye then crying. Your prescense still lingers in this house. I wish you could have lived longer then 4 years.

— Bree    Friday February 2, 2007    #

My beloved cat Chinky died two days ago, he was only two, He died instantly from what seemed like a seizure. I miss him so much, and now I must go on without him. I love you so much, Chinky and I will always miss you.

— Anne    Thursday February 8, 2007    #

Cancer took my Bella very suddenly. She died on my husband’s lap last night. I can’t believe this has happened. She loved to sit at an empty chair at the dining room table. Like a little person. She was my first cat and I don’t know how to go through the day without her.

— Rebecca    Monday February 12, 2007    #




— caroline    Wednesday March 14, 2007    #

My Benjamin passed on March 19, 2007 aged 16. Although not the most affectionate cat in the world, he’d always follow me around the house, curious to see what I was doing.

His favorite toys were paper clips; he’d find one on the floor, upend it with one paw and put it in his mouth. He’d walk over to his food dish and drop the clip in the dish. When there were several in the dish and he wasn’t looking I’d take them out and scatter them on the floor. By the next morning they’d all be back in the dish. Whenever I needed a paper clip I always knew where to go.

You were a good friend and companion and this house feels so empty without you. I will miss the head butts you’d give me and when you’d plaster yourself against my leg during night time thunderstorms. I miss you so but I’ll see you some day. You were truly loved and I’m sorry that I let you down.

— Pat    Saturday March 24, 2007    #

I had to agree to the death of my very small, soft, black and white cat, Daisy, last night. She was a rescue cat along with her mother and two brothers. At nearly 15, she was always mistaken for looking half her age and her most endearing way of lying stretching out her snowy white tummy and with white paws crossed, won many a heart.
I feel like I have let her down. She was diagnosed with renal failure and I allowed the vet to convince me that it was worth carrying on even though she had deteriorated very severely in a short time. A week later and she was refusing water as well as food and quite plainly wanted to do what most animals do especially as they can’t tell you. She just tried to seek out the quietest darkest place and fade away. So sorry Daisy, I miss you so much and there will be a special place for you in our garden.

— Lesley    Monday March 26, 2007    #

This is what is etched upon My Kitty Molly the “Mouse’s” cedar box containing her ashes – It’s been one year now and my pain is still here but I’m grateful she is now free of her pain: “My life’s been full, you’ve given so much – Your time, your love and gentle touch. Some day we’ll meet in God’s Heavenly House where I’ll hold you again my baby Mouse.”

I was sent this by our vet after Mouse’s cremation.
Do not mourn my passing for if you could only see
by slipping all my earthly bonds, I’m young again and free.
By day I run the Heavenly fields, my body healthy and strong
At night I sleep at Angels’ Feet, lulled by Celestial Song.
So do not mourn my passing, just close your eyes – you’ll see
I’m once again that frisky “Mouse”, just as you remember me.
-Author Unknown

— CeeShore    Friday April 20, 2007    #

My cat Babs, or Baby as i called her, because she was my baby passed away. I grew up with her since i was eight years old. At the age of 14 she died last week at home and without me. I returned home from work and there my Baby was in eternal sleep on the floor. I miss her every moment of everyday! I only wish i could have been there just to help her and reassure her that it would all be okay. I received her ashes about 2 hours ago and i have not been able to stop crying since. I miss my little Baby so much. She was the best thing in my life.

— Joanna    Monday April 23, 2007    #

A year ago, just over a year ago we found a foster mother for a teeny scrap of black and white cat whose mom had been hit by a car. When Mitts was old enough he came back to us a tiny fisety brave beast dapper in a black mask and white lower face cravat and gloves and he won our hearts. he was the fastest cat we had ever seen He loved to hang upside down from his cat condo holding on with one paw while kicking a dangle with his other feet.He was constantly active,though we had been told he had a heart murmur. About a week and a half ago he got a small wound from a skirmish with one of our other cats it seemed to heal well, but then Mitts started sleeping more he almost stopped playing, we thought he had a cold. Then he developed a slight limp. The vet thought he has strained a muscle. Today he seemed quite a bit better, ate ,drank etc.and greeted everyone normally. Around ten thirty this morning he walked up to Mike and I, let out a deep cry, gasped for breath, and died just like that. Apparently he had clots that interfered with his heart. We will miss him terribly

— Peggy J    Tuesday May 8, 2007    #

I will be leaving work shortly to pick up my cat’s ashes, where they will be stored on a table near the kitchen (his favorite room in the house).

I had to have my 11 year old, black and white cat Noah put to sleep 2 and a half weeks ago. I cannot believe it’s already been that long as it seems like I’ve lived an entire life without him already. In February he began to throw up blood occasionally. He was then diagnosed with intestinal lymphoma. We treated him with prednisone. I opted to not do chemotherapy as I didn’t want to watch him suffer. Two days before we put him to sleep, he stopped eating. I took April 24th off of work and spent it at home with him. He deteriorated as the day went on. I knew he was telling me he was tired and he no longer wanted to fight the fight. I understood. All I had to do was look into his sad eyes and I understood. He made it through the night but was in alot of pain on April 25th. I took him to the vet first thing at 7am. He went to heaven at around 7:20am. I petted him the entire time and told him I loved him and assured him I would see him again someday. I made sure that he saw my face as he slipped away from his cancer ridden body.

I know that I will see him again someday and I picture him waiting for me in a windowsill in heaven, like he always did for me here on earth. He was truly my best friend. Noah, I miss you so much and although you are no longer in my life here on earth, you will never be absent from my heart. Until we meet again my little man in a cat suit.

— Wendy    Friday May 11, 2007    #

We had to have our wonderful cat Rembrandt put to rest a week and a half ago. It was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make. He was only 8 years old and was my best friend. I miss so much the sound of his purr as I drift off to sleep each night, and the feel of his soft fur on my face. Now he rests in our garden, where we keep a lantern glowing for him…Rems, you were the best. You are forever in our hearts; we miss you terribly.

— Kristina    Monday May 14, 2007    #

Yes, we take a pet for life, but their lives are much too short. I weep for myself tonight, my beautiful Sally was sick with throat cancer and had to leave 2 weeks ago. She was all I had it seems, with me living alone now with grown kids scattered elsewhere and me single these days. Sally had a sister Daisy that died 2 years ago—I didn’t think I’d survive that, but I did, sort of, it never does go away. When Daisy died I fell in love with Sally just for herself. I used to feel safe with Sally here, she was a big girl, at 15 years old I knew time was inching up on us. I was actually ready at some point—do they know when it’s time too? There were signs that something wasn’t right with her. I have a feeling they do know when things are changing. No matter, it’s not about all that. I miss my cat, I just miss having her here for me. I didn’t think being alone would be this tough—she was just a cat, right? Except she was everything to me. She was who I came home to, who I thought about when I left the house, always made sure she was okay before leaving. I knew she would be here waiting for me. She knew how much I cared for her and pampered her. She helped me work, she ate with me, watched TV with me, slept with me. There’s a silly song, “How Can I Begin To Live Without You,” the words haunt me. Sally’s in a safe and wonderful place, she’s one with the earth again in a beautiful pet resting garden. Still, no matter. I think I still hear her, I forget sometimes and think I still have to feed her, etc. So many rituals to stop doing. I just miss my cat. Sure hope the Raibow Bridge is for real. There are some other dear pets there too that I’ll be looking for. I have been quite privileged to have had a wonderful group of previous pets in my lifetime, all terrific and special. Thanks for the forum. Blessings to all of us.

— Marcia    Monday June 18, 2007    #

I lost my Lucy, my orange tabby cat, just about two weeks ago and received her ashes yesterday. Lucy was about 17 years old, spending 16 of those years with my partner and I. Lucy and I had some sort of “connection” where we both just seemed to understand each other- I can’t really explain it, but I’m sure others know how that feels. No cat or other pet will ever measure up to my Lucy. She’ll always be in my heart, and even though I miss her terribly, I know she’s still here with me. -I’ll always love you Lucy and I know that I will see you again some day…

— Wayne    Tuesday June 19, 2007    #

I lost my almost 16 yr old Siamese, Casey, 7 weeks ago. He finally ran out of lives! This has been such a hard year and a half. He was diagnosed with diabetes after receiving a steroid injection. We worked through all of the complications that diabetes can bring and managed to get him off of the “juice” for over 6 months. Just after Christmas this past year, he had to go back on insulin. In March, he was diagnosed with lymphoma and the vets gave him 2 months to live. He didn’t read the rules and actually gained weight and ate better! He continued his evening walks with me and worked the night shift, doing neighborhood patrol from his favorite spot in the upstairs window. Suddenly, one morning, he yowled for what we called “valet service” and I went downstairs to see what he wanted and found him gasping for breath. I knew it was time, called my husband and then the vet who said to bring him in. We knew it was the right thing to do, but dear God, it didn’t make it any easier. I held him in my arms as my “one special cat”, my Booda Bud, drifted peacefully away (eight weeks to the day from his diagnosis). I’m so glad to have all of the happy memories, but I’m still so sad.

— Jeannie M    Saturday June 23, 2007    #

I am so sorry for all of you. Just last Thursday my precious Boomie took his last breaths. Unfortunately, I was not with him. He had a tumor that the dr thought could be removed. He had diarrhea for two weeks, was eating like a little pig yet losing weight drastically and his energy level was almost nil… all tests indicated it was a blockage in his intestine. However, it was cancer of the intestines, colon and was in his artery to his aorta. We just could not allow him to be awakened only to suffer more. So we asked the dr to let him sleep and we brought him home and buried him by the willow tree with all the birds chirping about. I have four other cats ranging in age from 11 to 20…I never expected Boomie to die so young…just six years old. I’v lost several other cats to ‘old’ (wise) age and I certainly miss them and find myself thinking of them often but I am having a very hard time with Boomie’s leaving—-perhaps it is too soon to smile. I am choosing to try my best to honor his short little life rather than mourn his death. He was a little fireball up until two weeks before his death. I miss him terribly!!!

— Carmen    Friday July 6, 2007    #

My Birman cat “Booboo” was put to sleep 4 days ago and I am very very sad and depressed. He was a rescue, 13.5 and had spent his last 12 years with me, an unforgettable journey. He was diagnosed with Cardiomyopathy 3 months ago and seemed to be doing fine with the meds but just one week before his death he had stopped eating and had lost tremendous weight. He had an extraordinary intelligence and I always said he didn’t think he was a cat. My love for him is beyond me and I cannot bare not ever seeing him again which is why I’ve decided to have him preserved by an air freeze process so he can always be with me home. He took a piece of my heart with me. Mamma loves you my booboo.

— Rosie C. July 4, 2007    Monday July 9, 2007    #

Smokey, my beloved little girl of almost 20 years passed away quietly Sunday, July 8, 2007. I feel so much guilt as we were away on vacation until Monday and she was at her Grandma’s. I had promised her I would not let her suffer but now I’ll always feel that after all those years when she needed me most I was not there. I miss you my Little Poo.

— Double D    Thursday July 12, 2007    #

On October 18, 1992 a stray cat walked into my friend’s backyard and had kittens. When those kittens were old enough to be weaned, my famiy and I took home Butterscotch, so named for his tan/orange coloring. He lived for almost 15 years, the last 7+ of which were spent with diabetes. We deligently gave him shots of insulin twice a day. A lot of people said we were crazy for putting in that much effort for a cat… I suspect those people never truly loved a pet.

He’d been progressively getting worse the past week and we’d sadly made arrangements to have him put to sleep on July 7th… apparently my poor Butters couldn’t wait that long.

Just last week, on July 4th 2007 Butterscotch took his last breath and died at home. When I got the phone call that he had passed I was sitting in my car watching the end of a spectacular fireworks display. It was like a mini celebration of his life, despite how hard I was crying. My family was there for him up until the end.

I sadly was away from home and didn’t make it to say goodbye. I hope he knows that I loved him… that I didn’t run away from him during his final years… I didn’t abandon him… I left for college 6 years ago and didn’t get to go home as much as I wanted. He’s now at home with my family in what I hear is a beautiful wooden box with his name on it. I’ll never forget you, Butters. You were my first real pet and I will love you forever.

— Lisa H.    Saturday July 14, 2007    #

After 10 years of living a spoiled and well loved life, my sweet boy Taylor passed away 7/26/07 of heart failure. His ashes will join those of his sister, Pinky, and will eventually be joined with mine. Their ashes are the saddest thing I own.

My fear is that we will never be able to see our loved ones again. What if this is all there is?

Please visit the page I made for Taylor at:

— Kim    Saturday July 28, 2007    #

1 week ago today my ginger and white cat Simba died. He was found by our neighbour on the side of a quiet country road. Me and my partner we’re on holiday at the time and his parents we’re staying at our house when it happened. I’ve been completly distraught ever since the only consolation was I didn’t find him that would of broken my heart. He was the most affectionate cat I’ve ever had and would sleep on my shoulder and snuzzel into my hair. The day we left to go on holiday I got my last chance to say goodbye as we left at 6am I said to my partner that we wouldn’t get chance to say goodbye to him as he always went out at night, but just as we we’re driving down the lane he was there so I took him home and gave him a kiss goodbye and said see you in 1 week. If only I could have him back he meant the world to me and will be truely missed. I’ll be picking up his ashes this week and I’m going to find a special place for him. x

— Stephanie    Tuesday August 14, 2007    #

My precious kitty Chinook had to be put down 2 days ago. My heart is broken. I loved her like a child. She died in my arms, with dignity, the way she always carried herself. She was a beautiful blue-eyed Birman who had mammary cancer. She fought bravely for a long time but was so tired at the end. She was my best friend, she always comforted me whenever I felt down, she slept curled up next to me every night. She did not act like a cat. She possessed extraordinary intellegence. I will miss her forever.
RIP, sweet Chinook kitty. I love you.

— Jennifer    Thursday September 13, 2007    #

My angel of 12 years died Sept 13th. Alex was my first of two pets after moving out of my parents home. I always told my husband that when I die, I want my cats to take me to heaven. The first of September 2007, my husband took Alex to the vet for severe weight loss and the vet suggested we put him down that day. My husband could not do that knowing I was not there. He came home and told me the news and it did not hit me then, I knew it was coming. The vet said he had feline leukemia with a huge tumor on his liver and he would die soon. I made the decision to not put him to sleep, because 5 or so years ago he had gotten sick and the vet wanted us to put him down then and told us he would not last no more than two months. I prayed over him and God gave me five more years. The morning he died he sat in my lap barely able to hold his own head up and I talked to him, I prayed over him and I just loved on him for over two hours. Then it was time for me to go, I had to be somewhere for a few hours. On my way home about 4:30pm I was thinking that mabey he can come out of this like he did last time and then my husband called to tell me he just passed. He walked in the house and saw him take his last breath. It still did not hit me until I got home. I am so distraught over the fact that I could not be there to comfort him while he passed over, I hate the thought he had to go through this alone. I sometimes forget that he is gone. I will have to remind myself that he is not in the other room sleeping. Days before he died, that is all he did was find someplace out of the open and sleep. I would have to constantly search for him and make sure he was still breathing. My other cat just lays around now and will sometimes go looking for his brother. It just breaks my heart, my two cats are my kids. I do have two kids, a son and a daughter, but Alex is like my first child. I just wish I can have him back. I miss him so much, my heart physically hurts from grief, some people dont understand. Please if anyone reads this please get your cat vaccinated for leukemia even if your cat is an inside cat. My vet told me it was not necessary since Alex was an inside cat, but now I wish I would have paid the extra money and got the vaccination. Leukemia is very contagious and I am getting my other cat tested and waiting for results, but he is already showing signs of it himself and that scares me.
One day both my angels Alex and Felix will take me to heaven and their boxes will be buried with me.

— Treana    Wednesday October 3, 2007    #

yesterday I had to do the unthinkable. 10 years ago I brought a very nice cat home from my moms house after she had passed away. Sammie was 19 yo as of yesterday and after a year of her crying and many visits to the vet I had to have her put down. so in putting Sammie down it kinda felt like I was losing my mom all over again. so I have grieve for both of them but I hope that Sammie is now with mom over the bridge. sammie is on the right.

— NLR    Tuesday October 9, 2007    #

I got my beloved dogs ashes back today and there is a small colored stone on top of the ashes. Does anyone know what that is to signify?!

— Patti    Wednesday October 24, 2007    #

Thank you for this site; it’s somehow comforting.

My sweet, little cat Starr suddenly became very ill. Turns out that she had a lymphoma and didn’t tell me that she was sick until it was just too late. It seems like she was horribly ill within two weeks.

I sat with Starr in the corner of the dining room for four days and nights before running to the pet emergency room, begging for strong pain meds… and I ever so reluctantly decided to let her spirit free at home as I quietly sang “Twinkle Twinkle” to her, praying all the while that I was doing the right thing. I can’t get over the despair of making this choice for my sweet cat who trusted me completely. My heart is broken, and I miss her beyond anything words can ever express.

— Bebe    Tuesday February 12, 2008    #

Yesterday, my fiance and I had to say goodbye to our 3 1/2 month old grey and white tabby baby named Scamper. He had FIP. He lived up to his name and was the friendliest cat I’ve ever seen. He would perch on our shoulder like a parrot and purr like crazy. He was diagnosed just 2 weeks ago. We knew we didn’t have long once they told us what it was. I just thought it would end differently. He got up yesterday, asked for his breakfast and went up his kitty condo to his little house. When he tried to climb out a few hours later, he fell and couldn’t stand up. I screamed for my fiance to come help me. He had no strength left and could barely hold up his head. He was just defeated and tired. I didn’t want to have to say goodbye so soon. Saying my last goodbye and I love you to him is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. He was such a little guy and although we didn’t have him for very long he will always be missed. I just hope that the pain in my heart can subside. His little sister Violette still needs us too. Please pray for us. Thank you for this site, it had helped so much to read other’s stories. My thoughts are with you all and your little furry friends/children.

— Sarah    Wednesday February 27, 2008    #

We last our beloved cat Spooky last Monday after a very brief illness…he started coughing just a week before and we thought initially it was a hair ball, when he started to get breathless we rushed him to the vet who sent him in for xrays… the results were devastating our beautiful little man had heart problems and fluid was building up in his lungs…the vet tried his best over the weekend but on Monday morning the vet called me to tell me the outlook was not good… Spooky had lost interest in his food and his lungs were filling up as soon as they were emptying them… the vet didn’t even think he would survive the journey home from the pet hospital to our local surgery so that we could say our last goodbye. It was the most difficult trip of my life… we spent 15 minutes with him we kissed and cuddled him and told him how beautiful he was and how much we loved him and would miss him. even though he was 12 he still looked so young,fluffy and soft…he passed away so quickly and peacefully.

My heart is completely broken… my friend, companion and baby has gone..the house no longer feels like a home and every day feels like a struggle. We pick up his ashes tomorrow… and I know I will be upset but I feel as if he will be coming home… the ashes and the memories of those last few precious moments with him are the saddest thing I will own.

God bless you Spooky and keep you safe.

Thank you for listening

— Sian    Thursday March 6, 2008    #

On Saturday, March 8th, I had to put my first beloved Molly to sleep. I found her when she was just under 6 weeks old underneath my neighbors deck. She was in poor health and covered in mites. I took her to the vet and nursed her back to health. She lived with my family for the past 11 years. She was a great, intelligent, friendly, and loving cat. She will be dearly missed. I’m grief stricken and it was a very hard decision. I know it was for the best since she is no longer in pain. She almost died in my arms at the vet but they somewhat stabilized her so I can say my last goodbyes.

I will miss and always remember Molly. When it is my time, I hope to join her in eternity.

— Russell    Monday March 10, 2008    #

Life just isn’t the same without him. Mr. Big (aka Fathead) wasn’t even my cat, although in the end, he really was… He came to us around 2 years ago, from who-knows-where. He was very friendly, loving, and sweet. He got along well with my other cats. Just Sunday, March 9, we lost him due to an unknown illness. It hit suddenly and quickly over the weekend. I believe he went peacefully. I think back to only a week ago…he was fine, A-OK, hanging out in the house, purring and headbonking, greeting me as I got home from work. I feel guilty for denying him the simple pleasure of letting him sleep on my bed…though, sometimes I’d actually let him get away with it! With him adopting ME, I didn’t think his death would have such an impact on me, but it’s very painful. Fathead was a part of my family, no matter how much I deny it. I had always said that all he wanted was to be a house cat and I’m truly glad that he could pass away with this honor. I miss him terribly, but I know my brother will take good care of him until we meet again. I love you, sweetie…I hope you know that.

— Liz    Wednesday March 12, 2008    #

This site has given me a great deal of comfort and release. My sweet Lucy died in late June at age 11. She had a mammary cancer that was very aggressive, but had survived on predinisone and antibiotics for about 18 months after the cancer was diagnosed. I felt a tremendous amount of guilt, as I had left her in the care of a friend for six months when I was living outside the country. When I came back, my friend pointed out a funny little lump and sure enough it was a tumor. The tumor was too aggressive to remove surgically, so prednisone seemed the best answer. Eventually, however, the cancer grew and multiplied. As I mentioned, she lived for 18 months post-diagnosis, so I had all of that time with her, and she was playful and social right up to the end. Reading other people’s posts I see how we all torture ourselves with “if only’s” – the loss of a pet makes us feel so powerless. I found myself wondering whether things would have been different if I hadn’t left her for six months, or if I hadn’t accidentally lost her favorite toy while doing some home repairs before I left. But my friend took excellent care while I was gone, and I did my best for Lucy during the illness. Her passing was easy and quick and happened at home. My wonderful vet has been holding Lucy’s ashes for me since the summer, and I’ve just made arrangements to pick them up on Saturday. Thanks to all of you who have told your stories – may the memories of your pets be a blessing. I pray that we may all be given the courage to keep reaching out in love to those creatures who need us.

— Mary    Thursday March 27, 2008    #

I am empty inside, we took Mr. Wilson to the vet the other day, it was time to let him go.He had lost all of his strength in his rear legs at the age of 17years old. I just turned 59 and I am not dealing with his death well, he was my pal but over the past two weeks had become worse each day, I used to call him jumper as he would show off by jumping from one bed to the other.His heart was strong till the end but his rear legs had given way, he couldn’t stand when it came to do his duty, and later this week refused food and water and just curled up in a ball waiting for the end. I spent the morning with him and my wife and I took him to the vet, I stayed with him till he closed his eye’s the last time and held his paw, he passed away knowing I loved him, I am although a broken man.

— corbett    Monday May 26, 2008    #

I only had Birdy for six years. Her meow was more like a bird than a cat, thus the name. She had a respiratory infection when she was adopted at six months from the local animal shelter, but I nursed her back to health. She and my older cat got along really well. What we thought was asthma last December turned out to be an inoperable nasal carcinoma. My sweet Bird was put to sleep three days ago at home. I have her ashes now, and one day she will be buried with me and my other cat when it’s our time to leave this life we know. I feel some comfort in knowing that we will still be together for eternity. Thank you for your site. It helps to share this overwhelming grief.

— Rosemarie    Wednesday June 11, 2008    #

Chanel, my cat for 16 years, was put to sleep.Today I picked up her ashes.The pain I feel in my quenched heart has been overwhelming but somehow her ashes being home has added some comfort. This is the worst grief that I have ever experienced and never want to ever again.

— Nancy    Friday June 13, 2008    #

I am so sorry that you are all in so much pain.

Please know your pets understood you loved them dearly, right up until the end. Do not torture yourself with “what ifs”—your beloved pets would want you to remember the joy and happiness they found in the simple things in life—a bird in a tree, a new toy, the first bowl of food out of a new bag.

— M    Saturday June 21, 2008    #

I never was a “cat person” – I grew up with dogs and always proclaimed “I hate cats!” but then I met Max. Maximillian was with us from about 12 weeks old until this Monday. He was born with a heart murmur and I always worried about it, but the vets didn’t seem concerned. About a month or so ago, he was breathing funny. We didn’t think too much about it, we have a new baby and poor Max took the back burner for the past year. This past week, he stopped eating. This weekend, his breathing became extremely labored, and he became very lethargic. I slept in the spare bed with him Saturday nite and he purred and purred even through his difficult breaths. Sunday he could hardly bring himself to move. He hid in the laundry room, I brought him out to his favorite chair. Minutes later, he was in the laundry again, and again. He was looking for a place to die. Monday morning, I called the vet after checking his gums and seeing them grey, and was told to take him to the emergency clinic. Upon intake, he was taken in and put on oxygen and catheterized. An hour later, the doctor gave me the news that my friend of seven years waqs in advanced stages of congestive heart failure and top prognosis was 1 year even with intense care. I called my wife who was out of town on business, and decided it would be best to end his suffering. It was the hardest decision I have ever made in my life. I asked for some time alone with him but he had progressed so rapidly they could not take him off oxygen. The doctor took me into the operating room, and I held my cat and stared into his eyes, told him I loved him and how sorry I was, and watched as his life faded away and bloody fluid poured out of his mouth. What I saw in his eyes before he fell unconscious was indescribable. I am by no means a religious man, but I believe I saw God. He told me I made the right choice, but then why does it hurt so bad? I have a huge hole in my heart and I dont know what to do. My home is so empty, and my one year old understands and looks for him too. I will have his ashes in a few weeks, but nothing in this world will ever make me forget.

Max, I love you,
I am sorry for being mean to you-
I miss you so much,
You’ll always be my friend.
Rest in peace, little buddy.


— Dave K. of Syracuse, NY    Wednesday November 19, 2008    #

We lost our beloved cat on November 6 and chose to cremate her. We picked up her ashes 3 weeks ago and right now have her in a pretty box on the fireplace mantle with a lot of pictures and some of her things. Every day I say good morning to her and every night I say good night. As horrible as it was after she was gone, I did get some comfort having her cremains in the house so I could have something tangible. We talk about sprinkling her ashes in the garden that she loved so much but we can’t bear to part with all we have left of her. I cry every day for my little fur face and miss her with all my heart. She was the best.

— Lyn    Wednesday December 17, 2008    #

We lost our beautiful girl today she got caught in the recliner mechanism of a sofa. Thank you for this site to let me know I am not stupid for feeling so heartbroken

— Gemma    Saturday December 27, 2008    #

I adopted my cat Cookie (I know, not a very manly name for a great big orange tomcat – there’s a story behind it!) nearly 15 years ago. I had never had a cat, and it took a little while to get to really know him. But over the years I grew to really love him like a son. When I went through my divorce he and I grew even closer, he was often the only one really there for me. He developed diabetes 9 years ago, so I’ve spent the past 9 years giving him 2 insulin shots per day. A lot of people think I’m nuts for spending that kind of $ on him, his vets have been amazed at how healthy he has always been, both swearing he was the most well-controlled diabetic cat they have ever seen. And the oldest.

He started really fading this week, and yesterday I had to come to the painful decision to put him to sleep. The vet just called to let me know his ashes were ready, whenever I wanted to pick them up. I’m not sure what to do with them though. He and I lived in 5 different places over the years, including one apartment complex with a nice pond he used to love to walk around (on a leash!). I don’t know if he would want to be scattered there, or if he would want to stay in a nice urn in our house. I will probably soon put together a nice photo book to preserve his memory. I guess in time I will decide what to do with his ashes. I will miss him so much :-(

— Jay    Friday February 13, 2009    #

I’m a freshman in college and my dad just called me to tell me that my cat Sushi died today. He was only five years old. A friend of the family came over to drop something off and found him lying his in his urine. She immediately took him to our vet where they did everything they could. The vet said he probably died from a blood clot that went to his brain. I feel so terrible that I wasn’t there. I’ve had a pretty hard day because no one knew him here at college. And people don’t really want to talk about your cat dying. I’ve been trying to distract myself all day, and this website really gave me a chance to reflect on his death. Thanks to everyone for sharing their stories. Pets really are one of most amazing things in life. It’s too bad we always have to say goodbye.
Goodbye Sushi. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there. I hope you enjoyed your life with my family. I’m sorry I always got so annoyed when you kneaded me. I’ll never forget your funny antics. I love you.

— Clea    Tuesday February 24, 2009    #

I have been reading all
of the story and i would
just like to say I know where what you all are going through Me and another person has a pet cremorty and cemetery
and we deal with pet loss
every day. Just wanted to say Take care and your
pet is allways with you.
You wish to talk to someone who understands
my email is
Thanks Libby W

— Libby Wagner    Friday April 17, 2009    #

To my little baby Mia of only a year old. I am trying to think of all the good times we had – like when you fell off the couch when you were sleeping or how you used to reach out your paw just to touch me for comfort – so I am not haunted by the way you left. You didn’t deserve to suffer like you did, I’m glad we were there to hold you, to see you pass on.

I love you and miss you so much…I hope to see you again one day. R.I.P my baby.

— Jade    Wednesday September 16, 2009    #

Ash, 10, had seem to contract Vestibular Disease all of the sudden. We took him to a 24-hour vet to see if we can get some answers. We were scared. They did diagnose him with Vestibular and said his recovery would be long but positive. Two weeks have gone by and Ash was no longer dizzy and he kept his balance well. Something was still not right. He had slowly started to loose his back toenails before he had his episode of Vestibular. We assumed that he had ripped them out during an attack as he lost his balance. But this was different. His breathing became very rapid and he remained lethargic and stiff. He wanted to eat, but he had a lot of trouble swallowing. We made an appointment to his normal vet to get an update on his condition. The doctor could not figure out his swelling in his left paws or the toenails being gone. It just baffled him. We agreed to do bloodwork and x-rays on his condition. Well, the vet showed us the x-rays and he had massive amounts of fluid in his heart and lungs, and circular masses throughout his insides. I saw those x-rays and my heart stopped. The vet had said that between all of the doctors there (40 years experience) they have never seen anything like this and they assured us that the prognosis was not good with death near. We just decided to put Ash down tonight. We want to remember him like he was 4 weeks ago. Happy, fast, furious, playful, and one-of-a-kind. I love you “lil’ guy”, and I will NEVER forget you.

— Jesse    Saturday November 21, 2009    #

Last Tuesday I had to put down my best friend in the whole world, Tyler. He was a 13 year old American Eskimo dog and the sweetest creature there ever was. He had liver failure and they suspected liver cancer also. I was with him when they put him down telling him that I loved him and holding him till he was gone. I pick up his ashes today and he will be buried with me when I die….this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It’s good to know that other people feel the same way about their animals that I do…
All my love Ty,,,,

— Ann    Tuesday December 22, 2009    #

Our family’s orange Tabby cat, BamBam died two days ago from heart failure (water in his lungs). I found out when I got home from school with my brother. I was so sad. I miss him. We are getting BamBam’s ashes tommorow. I am so upset he had to be put to sleep. He was only seven years old…

— -Nicole    Friday January 22, 2010    #

My mom passed away almost 2 years ago from pancratic cancer. Before she died, she told me to put her cat Penny to sleep. She made me promise or she said she would haunt me. LOL. Well, I promised, but I couldn’t keep that promise. We kept Penny in my Mom’s house for a year and half. We tried to bring her to our house when we put the house on the market and the real estate was showing it, but she didn’t get along with our cat. If I had a bigger house I would have given her her own bedroom, but I had no place to put her by herself, so we took the house off the market and she stayed at the house. My husband would go and feed her twice a day and we would spend long hours there on the weekends. She seemed very happy and would run over to us with her tail so high.

Last summer we noticed she was losing weight and the vet said it was hyperthryoidism. We were so happy because the treatment was easy and her levels went down. She never gained the weight back though.

In November, she developed a big swelling under her eye. It was an abcess and the vet treated it and she seemed fine. She started urinating frequently, but we thought it was a UTI. We took her back to the vet and he said “maybe” it was her kidneys, and gave her some sub-q fluids and took blood tests.

We took her home and she sat quietly on her pillow. We went home for a little while and came back and she was much worse. She was stretched out on her side and out of it.

My husband was having surgery in the morning and he needed me to go home to help him prep. I begged him to please find an emergency vet, but it was late and I didn’t have a phone book and didn’t even know where one was. There was one in Manhattan, but we didn’t know how we could get there. He needed to go home to do his thing.

With a heavy heart we said goodbye to her, because I knew I wasn’t going to see her alive again. I knew her kidneys must have shut down. All along she had kidney failure and the vet never diagnosed it correctly. It all made sense now.

I helped my husband with his prep and wanted to go back, but I don’t drive and he had to get to bed to be up early to go to the hospital. He was up at 4 in the morning and I asked him to go check on the cat. He did and when he came back, he said she was gone, and he brought her body back in the carrier.

Later, after the surgery, I took her back to the vet to get her cremated.

We know this vet for about 20 years, and he wasn’t there when we left the cat, but he must have known and never even called or anything to say he was sorry. We’re never taking our cats back to him again.

In December, when we went to visit my parent’s grave for Christmas, we brought Penny’s ashes and scattered them over the grave.

— Mary    Saturday February 20, 2010    #

i used to have a cat named ryan. all he did was eat sleep and chase birds. well, he had had two mocking birds tht really despised him. one day i got close to the mocking birds because i was being prottective over him. and the birds started attacking me. he scared th birds away and he rubbed up against me and purred very loudly. we were so close and even closer since then. until he had died at the age of 16. the saddest day of my young life, 7 months ago, 12-24-2009. R.I.P. Ryan=(

— tyler alamo    Sunday June 20, 2010    #

I just received a call today from the Vet saying that my cat’s ashes were ready to be picked up.

I’m not sure what I’ll do with his ashes, but C was my best friend for 7 years. I had moved around the country for work during those years and C was always there with me, always my friend.

I saw someone else post that the only sad memory they had of their cat was the moment that he was put to sleep. I’m happy to say the same about C.

— Chris    Wednesday June 30, 2010    #

I love you so much Tiger. Rest in peace.

— Lexi    Thursday July 15, 2010    #

I took my best friend in the whole world to be put to sleep yesterday. Her name was Mousey. She was 19 years old and spent the last 18 of them with me. She was the first thing I saw in the morning, was always there to greet me hello when I came back from work and was the last thing I saw when I went to bed. The apartment just seems so so empty without her, I will never ever forget her. I will pick up her ashes next week and they will always stay close by. Good Bye my little buddy, thanks for always being there for me.

— Ray    Thursday September 16, 2010    #

Thank you to all of you who shared your stories. My husband was at work when my mother-in-law (who was able to pick up our darling Angel’s ashes) dropped her off. It has been awful being all alone in the house. Reading through all of your stories reminded me that I’m not alone and that there are so many pet parents out there who love their animals as much as I love my Angel.

I miss you, Angel. Thank you for all the love, laughs, comfort, and joy you have given me. I will always treasure the time we had together.

— Shay    Friday September 17, 2010    #

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